Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
