I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
