I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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