I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she woke up with a sticky ear
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
