I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
