it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
