I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
