so explain again why im purple
no
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
