are you still at the devil's house?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You need a sexual gate keeper
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
