chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
