I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
