I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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