Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
