how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
