I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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