Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
