Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Someone came in the potted fern
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
