what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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