Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
