Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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