I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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