Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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