My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
