you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
