If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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