We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
