nutella sex= disaster
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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