i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
