I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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