I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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