I can text with my tongue
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
