1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
