you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
