he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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