When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
