I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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