I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she peed on how many people?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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