who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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