Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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