At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
