Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
