He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I am one with the molecules
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
