Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
