I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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