false alarm. still invincible.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
