I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
