addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hippo gnu deer
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
