I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
