I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
