after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
