A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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