We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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